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Telling people that you have an eating disorder
One of the hardest things I ever had to do was to admit to myself and then my husband that I had an eating disorder. At the time I felt so much shame, which was made worse by my professional career, as I felt, I of all people should not be bingeing with the knowledge that I had. Of course now I know that eating disorders are very common and often affect people who are in the caring professions. |  |
Almost everyone has heard of anorexia and bulimia but most general medical practitioners are not even aware of compulsive overeating or binge eating disorder as a condition. I didn’t even know that there was a name for what I did with food. I really thought I was the only person in the world who binged like I did.
For me I never planned to admit that I had an eating disorder. It was one of those spur of the moment decisions in the midst of an argument with my husband about my ballooning weight. A fear that he may walk out and leave me, led me to admit to my problem with food. I told him everything, where it was hidden and my behaviours with food. Not for one minute had he ever suspected that I had an eating disorder, even though we had been married for 13 years at the time.
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Once I told my husband I felt a great sense of relief. I also knew that I could not go back to bingeing in secret as it was no longer a secret; instead I had to get help to overcome this problem. A few days later I told my parents as they were staying with me. Knowing the family network I also told my brother and sister so that they heard it from my mouth and not someone else’s! Still full of shame I never dreamt that I would tell anyone else. I could never have imagined telling the whole world about a problem that I had felt so much shame, embarrassment and humiliation from. |
As I began walking down the road of recovery and meeting many different people from all different backgrounds, I realised that this eating disorder hit people who did have the professional knowledge about what they were doing to themselves. That knowledge didn’t make any difference to the ability to halt the bingeing! Soon I realised that this secretive and isolating disease needed talking about so that other people who were in the grips of despair could see that there was hope of recovery. As a result I began telling really close friends. I expected a reaction of horror but all I got was unconditional love. Nobody I told had ever dreamed that I had an eating disorder as I was so good at covering everything up and telling the world that “I was fine”.
I even began to admit my problem to healthcare professionals when it was appropriate. The first time I told my dentist I expected to get a really strange look until I discovered that actually they can tell from your teeth what you do with food, especially if you are bulimic. Of course all the excessive amounts of sugar had led to cavities despite regular teeth brushing.
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Soon after I had entered recovery I had surgery which resulted in major complications. 9 days later a pain specialist arrived by my bedside and I admitted to my binge eating disorder and the amount of chocolate I had consumed each day. He told me that I had been effectively giving myself doses of morphine! Hence I had become addicted to the effect chocolate had on my body.
Once I had got good recovery under my belt I set off on a mission to tell the world about this debilitating condition. I remember having a coffee with a fellow recovering compulsive overeater and saying that “one day I would love to write a book and tell the world about this disease”. | |
Those were purely dreams, as I never believed that I would actually be able to write a book, but it wasn’t long before those dreams became a reality. Today my book is completed and awaiting publication.
I am happy to share my recovery with people because I know that unless people speak out about it, it will remain a secret isolating disease that destroys lives every day. It is estimated that 200 people die every day from this disease in England. To put it into perspective 300 die from smoking every day, 100 from alcohol and 15 from drugs.
One of the slogans that I love is “you are as sick as your secrets” and I have found that to be so true. I don’t keep anything secret any more as I know it could be that one secret that could turn me back to using the food again.
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| If you are still suffering with an eating disorder I would urge you to confide in someone you trust and reach out for help. You may want to find a professional person like a counsellor or doctor, but a spouse, parent or friend can be ideal too. Then you can begin your journey of recovery. There is a whole new life waiting for you.
If you would like professional help to find freedom from your binge eating I would be delighted to work with you through online counselling.
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