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Precious memories
One of the best memories you can leave your family and friends are the ones that will light up their life when they are feeling sad after you have died. They can think about those special times and look back with a smile. |  |
There are many ideas of the type of memories that you can leave. Of course it varies from person to person about what feels right. When you are suffering from a terminal illness one of the positive aspects is that you have time to do and say things. However saying that, I actually wrote cards to all my children and close family because I realised as I nursed my dying father-in-law that not everyone gets the chance to prepare for their own death. I wanted to make sure that my children and family would have something special that they could keep. Along with the cards that are to be opened upon my death, I have a memory box and album for each of the children where I collect their certificates or things of special interest. When they reach the age of 16 or 18 I will hand their boxes over to them so that they can choose to continue on with it if they wish. They will also receive a precious photo album which has lots of photos as they have grown up. Each page is decorated and comments are written about the different events. I’m sure one day my children will be really grateful to receive this gift. I know how much it meant to me to receive a card from my Dad on the night he died. I read that card over and over. It sits in my bedside locker and whilst I don’t read it every week now I do read it from time to time.
Memories that you leave can be spontaneous events as well as planned ones. Just weeks before my father died, I realised that he would not live long enough to see his 40th wedding anniversary. My sister and I had gone home for the weekend to visit my parents. I realised that my father was not going to make another two months but I wanted to celebrate the event. Before I went to sleep I was thinking about different ways that I could create a memory for both of my parents. I awoke early and put my plan into action before anyone in the house stirred. It was Saturday morning and I thought that both a bakery and florist would be open. A large bouquet of flowers was assembled, along with a cake saying “40 years together” which they kindly iced for me. Next I bought some chocolates and champagne along with a packet of balloons. Quietly I crept back into the house and hid all the evidence. Knowing that my father was too ill to come downstairs I decided we would take the celebration to his room. That evening when my mother had gone upstairs to check on my father, the three of their children surprised them as we carried in everything to the room and said we were celebrating their anniversary early while the whole family was there together. I even managed to find a card that said “40 years together”. My parents were quite overwhelmed with how I had spontaneously managed to create such a lovely occasion that we will all remember for many years to come. Sadly my father died five weeks before their 40th wedding anniversary, but we all felt that we had celebrated it.
Family photographs are a beautiful way to create memories. It is best to take them early on, soon after the terminal illness is diagnosed so that you are looking your best. We had one photograph taken with all thirteen of us, which must have been very challenging to the photographer! After the group pictures were taken I asked for one photograph with just my parents and also one with me and my parents together. Those photographs sit proudly on my mantle piece where I fondly look at my father and smile back to him.
One of my close friends is terminally ill. She has made a lovely DVD for each of her young children. It shows pictures of them growing up as she talks to the children through the DVD. At the end you see my friend sat in a chair as she says goodbye to them. Whilst it is heart wrenching to both make and watch the DVD, it is a gift that these children will have to play back time and time again. They will really know what their mother wanted for them as they move through the years.
Some of these activities you will find incredible painful to do. They will stir up a lot of emotions and I guess tears are almost inevitable. Once the activity is created you will feel a sense of relief knowing that whenever you die, your loved one will receive your precious gift. Even though I was not terminally ill when I wrote my cards, it certainly brought up many feelings and tears. It was very hard to do but I am so glad that I had the courage to do something that I know means so much to grieving relatives.
No one can ever take those precious memories away. I often look back with a smile at all the special things we did together as a family. In the weeks and months following the death of my father, those memories brought so much comfort to me. Most importantly there is absolutely nothing I would have done differently.
You will touch so many hearts by creating special memories that will remain with you and your family forever……..
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