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Back to Square One
Regularly every week I work with people who tell me they feel as though they have gone back to square one. I remember only too well the feeling as though I had blown it all by eating one small thing that was not on my diet and then thinking I had gone back to square one, only to begin the process all over again. |  |
This type of thinking pattern is known as “black and white” thinking or “all or nothing” thinking. The names given to it clearly define the swings in behaviours which are at one extreme of the scale but never in the middle ground. So for example if you eat one packet of crisps then an extreme thinker will say I’ve blown my whole diet so I am going to have to start all over again.
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Today as I think of “square one” I think about the game snakes and ladders where you move along the pathway, jumping ahead of your opponent by climbing the ladder, or going backwards by whizzing down the snake. But even the snake does not take you back to square one! |
This feeling of going back to square one is very prevalent in people who diet or who suffer from eating disorders and are desperately seeking to be set free from their compulsive eating patterns. It is the black and white thinking patterns that leads to the “all or nothing” behaviours. So you are either doing something well or make one tiny slip and you have lost absolutely everything, or so it seems. The reality is you haven’t lost everything because you can not take away the awareness you have gained, you can not take away all the things you have done right before this event and neither do you return to the beginning of your journey.
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I like to think about square one in the context of going out for a walk. If you tripped along the way, would you then return home only to begin again? I don’t think even the most severe perfectionist would do this. You would pick yourself back up, dust yourself down and carry on walking. | |
If you think about the game of snakes and ladders, even if you come whizzing down the snake you soon get a chance to move forward at the next go. The only time you really end up at square one is if you decide to quit the game and restart all over again. But life is not quite like the game because no matter how much we would like to return to the day we were born, currently that is not an option. So keep walking forward on your journey of life, draw a line under the event that led you to think you had returned to square one and before you know it you will be climbing up the ladder once again, advancing your position.
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| If you struggle to find a positive attitude to life you may benefit from reading positive words from a daily reader. Every day I begin my day by reading several of these readings as it really sets me up for the day.
If you would like help to overcome your extreme thinking patterns, I would be delighted to work with you through online counselling.
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